Living in a Culture of Criticism

Do you feel that you are attractive? Think hard about this question and be truly honest with yourself. If you had the opportunity, would you change anything about your appearance? I believe that everyone has at least one thing they would change if they had the chance. I have struggled with my weight for most of my life. The funny thing is that even during the times when I was happy with my weight there were other things that I was self-conscious about. I was very well-endowed and I remember having talks with my friends about ‘boob size’. They all wished that they had bigger boobs. I had what they wanted and I wished that mine were smaller. Where does this come from? Why do we do this to ourselves? It seems that no matter what body size we are, what gender, what age, we are always striving to be ‘better’, to look ‘better’. We are not content with ourselves and we cannot see the special and unique beauty that we all possess. 

We live in what I like to call a culture of criticism. This is a society that focuses on the negative and sets standards for beauty that are almost impossible for the average person to live up to. In an article on www.healthline.com, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention suggests that  among women in the US, 38.7 inches is the average waist size. The article states further that 170 pounds is an average weight for US women. This means that on average, the American woman is a size 18-20. Yet our media is plastered with models who are more often than not displaying the ‘ideal’ measurements of 36-24-36 (bust, waist, hips) or what’s more commonly known as the 90-60-90 rule. It is no wonder that we are all so hard on ourselves and have difficulty loving ourselves. This lack of self-love trickles out and adds to a world that is already filled with so much disconnection. 

Societal views of perfection have a huge impact on the way we view our bodies. It’s interesting to note the standard of beauty has shifted over history. In the past, being skinny and tan used to mean you were poor, malnourished, and you worked as a manual labourer. Whereas wealthier people had pale skin and a bit more meat on their bones because they had access to food and healthcare and could hire people to do the physical labour. During the 70’s and 80’s we saw the advancement in the reach of the media. We saw stick thin supermodels like Twiggy. We had the introduction of music videos in which, more often than not, the main focus was slender women with large breasts and next to nothing for clothing on. We have seen some changes in recent years with the introduction of plus size models. But even the plus size models have perfect proportions: large busts and large hips and a large ass, which makes their waists look smaller. The strive for perfection has left not just women, but everyone, in a situation where they’re never 100% satisfied with how they look. 

For example, Frank is  a 6’2” successful, handsome, funny guy. He is 50 years old, born Canadian, but currently living  in LA. When Frank talks about dating, his belief is that he has to be really fit in order to date his dream girl. From his viewpoint, no girl is going to want to be with him if he’s chubby, so when he feels fat he tends to take a break from dating. Who is Frank’s dream girl? She’s in her late 30’s, takes care of herself, and is slender and fit. Basically, society’s image of the perfect girl. So not only is Frank missing out on some really great women by only wanting to date women that meet society’s standards, he is also selling himself really short. He’s ignoring all of the wonderful traits and assets that he has to offer by judging himself (and his future girlfriend) solely on physical appearance. Then there’s Sheldon. Sheldon is in his mid-40s. He is successful, super sweet, kind, generous, and a bit ‘nerdy’. Sheldon hates the way he looks; and he believes that he will never be loved because he’s not handsome enough. He struggles with asking women out because he has such a strong fear of rejection. When Sheldon was encouraged to practice looking in the mirror and finding something about his body and himself that he loves, his eyes filled with tears. 

So, we have this culture of criticism, a world full of disconnected people, and along with that we have become an ‘Eeyore’ society. (For those of you who do not know who Eeyore is, he is a character in Winnie the Pooh books who is described as pessimistic and depressed). Everyone automatically focuses on the negative. For example, I have a TikTok account. I don’t post a lot but when I do it’s always positive and my videos have a healing vibe. I am thrilled when I can get a few ‘likes’ and comments because it means that I have touched that person in a positive way.  I have an acquaintance that also has a TikTok account. His entire account is full of negative videos, mostly bashing our prime minister; talking about how horrible the government is and how our lives are going to shit. Then I look at the comments and the likes on his videos. His videos receive at least 10 times more interactions than mine do. It’s like people are just feeding off of other people’s negativity. We can feel the vibrations around us become lower and lower, more and more negative; and instead of fighting it we just let it suck us into the black hole of despair.

For people who are trying to make any kind of change in their physical, spiritual or mental health, this is extremely discouraging. I don’t know how many videos I’ve seen of individuals who do not meet this society’s standards for the ‘perfect’ body being belittled, teased and patronized while at the gym. It’s situations like this that show you where the mindset of our country and our culture is at this moment in time. It is no wonder that so many people struggle with self rejection, self hatred and self criticism. It’s almost impossible to keep up with what our society expects us to look like. When I was younger, women weren’t supposed to have big butts. It was supposed to be small and tight and firm. Now, women get butt implants. I go into my dance class and these young women wear little booty shorts, and their butts are so jiggly and round and they’re so proud of that. Back in the day I used to be so proud of my perfectly shaped tight ass. Now I’m almost ashamed of it because it’s not as large and wiggly and jiggly as it should be. What the hell?

Society is almost designed so that no one will ever truly ‘fit in’. It’s not a wonder that so many young girls suffer from eating disorders; or that nearly everyone I meet has suffered from some kind of anxiety disorder. It’s so evident even in the television programs that are so popular today. Programs like, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, where beautiful women have all of the money in the world, but they are still unsatisfied and self-conscious. Women that the rest of us see as absolutely beautiful are constantly running for Botox or plastic surgery, altering their bodies in order to live up to the expectation placed upon them.  This dissatisfaction is a strong indication that the problem runs much deeper than just physical looks. There’s a piece inside of us that is broken and bruised. The body is just the container for what’s on the inside. Like the analogy of the apple, the skin might be perfect and red and shiny, but there could be large bruises just under the surface. Imagine how good it would feel to mend our relationships with ourselves, to fix the bruises on the inside, so that we can truly be in love with who we are, no matter what we look like.